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5.24.2009

then the dandelions won't hear you


today is another short story day. i like to write short stories. they make no sense, and i don't have to attempt to explain them. they're fun. and HYPOTHETICAL!
----
Sometimes things happen and you can't stop them. No matter what. You can only sit back and watch the fireworks.
This was one of those things.
We'd been friends for a while. He was always chased by other girls, and I was a single mother. I always just assumed nothing would or could happen. He was very good with my daughter, Jessica. She really liked him, but we both understood that he wasn't a romantic interest of mine.
My fiance had been killed in the army. I always told myself that I would never fall in love again. I always thought it was true.
Jessica loved him, almost as she had loved my fiance, her father. He loved her, too. He had told her so once.
Having him around really helped. He always took care of her if I needed a break. He loved it. Jessica loved it. I loved it.
But until today I never thought that I loved him. He was an amazing friend. Today I thought I loved him. It was while he was making Jessica laugh. He looked over at me and smiled. At that moment I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss him. At that moment I discovered that I'd been wondering that in the back of my mind for a few weeks. But I didn't try. I was too scared.
Now I was incredibly curious. I was staring at his mouth while he was trying to talk to me. He looked confused.
"Are you staring at my mouth?" he asked. What an awkward question. The answer was yes, but I wasn't about to admit it.
"Sorry. I was just kind of spacing out." I replied. He smiled.
"Oh, you're tired right?" he said. "You have little bags under your eyes." I liked to consider myself an attractive young woman, so bags under my eyes was not a good thing.
"Yeah, Jessica was up all night." I said, rubbing one of my eyes. "You heard the thunder, right? She hates thunder and lightning."
"Yeah, I know." he smiled. Feeling my curiosity nag again, I picked a dandelion growing near my feet. He cocked his head to the side.
"You wish on dandelions?" I smiled.
"Yeah. Why not, right?" I took a deep breath and blew on the dandelion. To my surprise, every single seed fell off and blew away in the wind. I turned it in my hand, slightly disbelieving that I had actually managed to blow every seed off. He smiled and nudged me a little.
"Hey, you blew them all off. That means your wish will come true." he said. Little did he know that I had wished for the guts to kiss him. His mouth was looking better by the second, and to my own horror my wish really was coming true.
"What did you wish for?" he asked. The only thing stopping me was how much taller he was than me. I was only five feet tall and he was a little over six feet. I couldn't reach him without him bending down. I smiled a forced smile.
"If I tell you, then it won't come true." I couldn't decide if I was delighted or terrified when he leaned a little closer to me.
"Whisper. Then the dandelions won't hear you." he said, quietly. All I had to do was stand on my tip-toes and his mouth would meet mine. The very thought made my head spin. I wasn't sure if I could or even if I wanted to. I knew I wanted to, but I didn't want to ruin what we had.
I couldn't stop myself as I shifted on my toes and kissed him. It felt a million times better than I had ever imagined. The only problem was I didn't want to pull away. I didn't want to see his reaction. But I didn't want to keep my mouth there too long and look creepy.
Just as I was going to pull away, I felt a little push. He kissed me back. I didn't know what to do. I had never anticipated the possibility of him kissing me. I just stood there and enjoyed the moment. I wanted it to last forever. But eventually my nerves got the better of me and I pulled back.
"That's what I wished for." I whispered. I was still so close that my nose was brushing against his. He smiled again.
"Looks like you got your wish." he whispered back to me. I smiled and crinkled my nose, not wanting these few moments to ever go away.

5.18.2009

strings attached


yeah, my hypothetical poetry wasn't amusing enough. today i'm writing a short story. i have no idea how good of a writer i am, and i by no means consider myself a writer. just a poet and a hopeless romantic.
----
He walked into the apartment, confused by her silence at his knock.
"Jackie?"
He looked around, noticing to his horror that the apartment was stripped. No furniture, nothing on the walls, no sign that a young woman and her baby girl had ever been there. Panicked, he called her name again.
"Jackie!"
He ran into the nursery, his only thought being the safety of that baby. He stopped in the doorway. The nursery was just as empty as the rest of the apartment. No crib, no changing table, no baby.
All that remained of Jackie and her baby daughter was a pacifier, laying in the middle of the nursery as if it had been dropped in a hurry, with no time to go back for it. He knelt down, panic fading into horror and heartbreak, and picked up the pacifier. He cradled it in his hand. It was still warm. It still smelled like the baby.
The entire apartment still smelled like them. If he focused really hard, he could see where the legs of the crib had left dents in the carpet. He could see where the dresser had rubbed against the the pastel purple paint on the wall. He only wished he could see the baby. And Jackie.
He remembered the hospital like it was yesterday.

Jackie had been swearing like a sailor at the pain. But he hadn't tried to get in her way. That was their agreement. No strings attached. He had waited, patiently, until a nurse with a bright smile on her face had brought her in. The most beautiful little baby girl he had ever seen. She was wrapped up in her tiny pink blanket, crying a little. The world must have seemed so scary to her. He wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. Just then the smiling nurse had noticed him. She smiled a little brighter.
"Are you family?" she asked, cradling the frightened baby. He nodded. She smiled again and looked down at the baby.
"This little girl is brand new." she said, cooing softly at the baby. "Her mother is asleep." she looked back at him. "Do you want to hold her?"
Without thinking, he nodded. The nurse carefully placed the bundle in his arms.
He was mesmerized. This moment was perfect. The baby was perfect. She stared at him, afraid. He smiled at her, rocking her gently.
"What's her name?" he asked, as he realized that Jackie had never told him what she wanted to name her baby. The nurse smiled.
"Lucy." she said.
"Lucy." he said back, then looked back at the baby. His baby. Lucy. She was so small, so helpless, so warm. He wanted to hold her forever, just like this. He wanted to protect her from whatever terrible things waited for her in the years to come. He wanted to be with her always.
"Lucy." he murmured again.

He knew she didn't like him breaking his agreement, but he never imagined this. He never thought it would come to something this extreme.
He realized he was crying and wondered how long he'd been doing it.
Jackie and Lucy were gone. He was never going to see them again. His baby, his first child, the center of his whole universe, was gone.
And all he had left was her favorite pacifier.

5.13.2009

with liberty and justice for all


yeah, i'm so strung out that i used lyrics from the Pledge of Aligence as a title. i was trying to think up some thoughtful phrase about how screwed up life is, but i got nothing. today is another poetry, but PLEASE keep in mind this is ALL hypothetical! for real! i just love to think up how people around me or in books or on TV feel.
----
everything is on the line
everything is in danger
everything is hanging in the balance
like someone trying to grip a slippery cliff for dear life
like being shot at with no weapon
like reaching for something to grab as you fall
it isn't fair
that you have to go through this too
but you assure me
it's what you want
----
the little baby stares
it doesn't know a thing
it's too young to understand
it's parents,
the two people who used to love each other
more than anything but him,
are battling each other
to see who gets to keep him
to see him every day
a luxury they both used to take for granted
and one of them will soon lose
this is life
how it happens
some people say it's the mother's fault
other says it's the father's
but no matter who's to blame
they all have to gather
to battle for the little baby they love
and everyone knows
she's going to lose
----
i love you
you're amazing
i love you
you're extraordinary
i love you
you're gorgeous
i love you
you're sweet
i love you
you're perfect