lately

lately i've been singing and playing guitar. i usually play and sing the song 'Hallelujah" although i'm sure i may be butchering it. it's got a beautiful tune and the lyrics are amazing. i've also been being introspective lately. i've been thinking.
high school is only a tiny fraction of your life, so why does it seem like forever?
can you really be committed to loving someone for 4 or 5 straight years?
how do i get through the days when he never smiles?
do good things really come to those who wait?
why is these always that one person who can make you doubt yourself, even if you know there's nothing wrong with you?
nothing impresses the mountains or the sky, or so they say, so why are we all driven harshly to do everything exactly they way it "should" be?
who or what determines what is right versus what is wrong?
why does every pretty girl who walks near him make me feel ugly and like i'll never be good enough?
why can't i accept who i am and love myself?
why does ramon noodle soup make me sick?
if he loved my friend, could i forgive either of them? or would it be too much?
why do i hate her so much?
none of these questions seem to have an answer. except the second one. i have living, heartache proof of that fact. and it's me.

a smile is a curve that sets things straight

everyone and everything in this world has flaws
everyone and everything has done something they're not proud of
something they wish they could take back
something they never should have done
something that makes people look the other way
pretend they're not there
you've done more than your fair show of those things
every day a new mistake comes back around to punish you
i should hate you for all the bad things you've done
i should leave you for all the craziness i can't even imagine
i should
but i can't
every time you smile everything else washed away
every time you smile i can't hate you
because it's that moment that you silently say
"i'm sorry" and "i love you"
your eyes just seem to whisper
"i'm telling the truth"
i should hate you, as everyone else
i should
but i could never think a bad thought about you
i could never say a mean word against you
i could never hate you
because i love you too much for that

[my fav so far, feedback is welcome]

tears

TEARS
fickle little things
dance down my cheeks
filling every little crease
of my imperfections
TEARS
ugly little things
let the whole world know
i can't hold it in
not anymore
TEARS
tiny little things
burn at my skin
as they creep down my face
slipping off my chin
TEARS
like a rainstorm as they fall
splashing the keyboard
burning my cheeks
choking off my breath

[trying to write a poem after Andrew's was a dumb idea]