i told you so

i told you this was an every-once-in-a-while blog. i feel no need to make excuses about where i've been, since i've been here the whole time.
i feel like writing more somewhat depressing poetry. i hope you like it. and remember -- as Andrew seems to be the only one who knows, i write my crappy free verse about OTHER PEOPLE, not myself. i'm not at all vain like that.
----
am i in denial?
am i afraid?
what's the matter with me?
you're perfect
everything i ever could have wished for
but yet i just can't say
i love you
those words won't go past my lips
they grab my tongue or my tonsils
they won't come out
and because i can't voice my love for you
for whatever reason
you don't know it
you think you're just my boy toy
but if you knew
how much more than that you mean to me
it would blow your mind
i don't care what they think
i don't care what they say
because i know i'm in love with you
but i'm too afraid of losing you to say it

it's a love story

helen posted on her and Sunday's blog about how she thinks i'm in love with Andrew.
moron.
i've been feeling a little better lately, but not much.
life just kinda gets me down.
meh.
so i am in love, that much is true. but it's not Andrew. i won't tell you who it is. that's my secret.
according to my sidebar, i'm a liar if i don't tell you my secret.
then my pants are metaphorically on fire.

tears

TEARS
fickle little things
dance down my cheeks
filling every little crease
of my imperfections
TEARS
ugly little things
let the whole world know
i can't hold it in
not anymore
TEARS
tiny little things
burn at my skin
as they creep down my face
slipping off my chin
TEARS
like a rainstorm as they fall
splashing the keyboard
burning my cheeks
choking off my breath

[trying to write a poem after Andrew's was a dumb idea]

myob

everyone's been posting their personal opinion about the tattoo thing with me and Andrew. it kind of bugs me, but i can't stop them. that's how life is. stuff bugs you, but you can't do anything about it. life sucks sometimes. it sure is a roller coaster. or more like a river. sometimes it's rough and you wanna jump ship, but sometimes it's calm and easygoing and you wanna stay there in that moment forever.

on the up swing

i'm having a good day today, and thank God, because my last few days have been icky. i think Andrew's mad at me for thinking about ditching the tattoo plan. hmm. i feel kinda lucky today, like something good is going to happen soon. i don't know why i feel that way, i just do. Andrew hasn't posted on Confessions in like a million years. i wonder why... well, that's just my random thoughts of today. thanks for reading.

getting me through the days

andrew. that's basically what gets me through this crazy life of mine. andrew.

andrew, you said in your last comment that you can't make me smile when i'm sad. but little do you know that you're the only one i want to see when i get upset or when i feel like i could burst into tears at any moment. you save me. you're the best thing in my life.

i know how it sounds but i really mean it. thanks. for everything.